1. Begin the process in a friendly way

Lincoln said: " It is an old and true maxim that "a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of [vinegar]." So with men, if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart; which, say what you will, is the great high road to his reason."

2. Get the other person saying, "yes, yes" immediately.

In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing and keep on emphasizing - the things on which you agree. Keep on emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose. Get the other person saying, "Yes, yes" at the outset. Keep your opponent, if possible, from saying, "No." Socrates asked questions with which his opponents would have to agree.

3. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Let the other person talk themselves out. They know more about their business, problems, and side of the issue than you do. So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things.

Don't interrupt them. They won't pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. Listen patiently, with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.

4. Ask Questions

Ask others what or where they feel the problem is. Discuss each point and ask them their opinions on which is the best way to proceed. A few, low-key suggestions, given at the proper intervals, will influence them. Let them develop your plan or ideas themselves.

Ask questions in a friendly way, showing a cooperative spirit, noting areas where the other person is right. This will warm them up and melt any tension between you. Add in a carefully put remark here or there to give birth in the other person of a new opinion or idea. Be careful not to let them think that you are making an issue of something.

When the other side tells you their position, they are giving you valuable information about what they want. Invite them to tell you more by asking:

1. Why is it that you want that?
2. What is the problem?
3. What are your concerns?
4. Why are you concerned about this?
5. How will this affect you?"

Direct questions may sound confrontational. An indirect form of questioning may help:

1. I'm not sure I understand (why you want this/are concerned about this)?
2. Help me see why this is important to you?
3. You seem to feel pretty strongly about this — I'd be interested in understanding why?

Sometimes it's helpful to begin a question with an acknowledgment:

1. I hear what you are saying, could you explain it to me further?
2. Take the time to find out something about the person you are meeting with. If your with someone successful, ask an open ended question like, "I understand you started this x years ago with nothing but a desk and one employee. Is that true?" Almost every successful person likes to reminisce about their early struggles.

5. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

In general, people have more faith in ideas that they discover themselves than those that are handed to them on a silver platter. No one likes to be sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.

Ask others what or where they feel the problem is. Discuss each point and ask them their opinions on which is the best way to proceed. A few, low-key suggestions, given at the proper intervals, will influence them. Let them develop your plan or ideas themselves.

Ask questions in a friendly way, showing a cooperative spirit, noting areas where the other person is right. This will warm them up and melt any tension between you. Add in a carefully put remark here or there to give birth in the other person of a new opinion or idea. Be careful not to let them think that you are making an issue of something.

6. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don't think so. Don't condemn them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that. There is a reason why the other person thinks and acts as they do. Ferret out that reason - and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality. Try honestly to put yourself in their place. Say, "How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes?"

Tomorrow before asking someone to do something, buy something, or contribute money, pause and close your eyes and try to think the whole thing through from another person's point of view. Ask yourself, "Why should they want to do it?

Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person's ideas and feelings as important as your own. Starting your conversation by giving the other person the purpose or direction of your conversation, governing what you say by what you would want to hear if you were the listener, and accepting his or her viewpoint will encourage the listener to have an open mind to your ideas.

7. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

Saying, "I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do," stops arguments, eliminates ill feelings, creates good will, and makes the other person listen attentively.

Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.