1. Don't Criticize, Condemn, or Complain

People don't criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be.

Even criminals attempt by a form of reasoning, fallacious or logical, to justify their anti-social acts even to themselves, consequently stoutly maintaining that they should never have been imprisoned at all.

Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves.

Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts their sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

Criticism can demoralize employees, family members and friends, and still not correct the situation that has been condemned.

When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but of emotion, bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity. Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

Carlyle said, "A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men."

Instead of condemning people, try to understand them. Figure out why they do what they do. Understanding breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness.

2. To Convince You Must Show Genuine Appreciation

There is only one way to get anybody to do anything -- by making them want to do it.

Freud said people have two motives: sex urge and the desire to be great. John Dewey said the deepest human urge is "the desire to be important."

Most people want: health and the preservation of life; food; sleep; money and the things money will buy; life in the hereafter; sexual gratification, the well being of their children; and a feeling of importance.

Lincoln said, "Everybody likes a compliment." William James said, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated."

If one knows how a person gets a feeling of importance, it tells you about their character. Rockefeller got his feeling of importance by giving money to erect hospitals for people he would never see.

Honest appreciation will make another person feel important.

3. Speak About What Interest Others

Don't talk about what you want. You are interested in what you want, but no one else is. The rest of mankind is just like you: they are interested in what they want.

The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

If, for example, you don't want your children to smoke, don't preach at them and don't talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or having pretty teeth.

Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something.

4. Give People Something They Want

Overstreet said, "Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire ... and the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders is: First, arouse in the person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way."

Before you try to persuade somebody to do something, ask yourself: "How can I make this person want to do it?"

Try to understand the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own.

The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.

Arousing an eager want in a person is not something to be construed as manipulating that person so that they will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment. Each party should gain from the negotiation.

5. Let the Other Person Take the Credit

Make people feel important through self-expression. When we have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves. They will then regard it as their own; they will like it and maybe eat a couple of helpings of it.